You know there are questions that make the difference – right?
When you ask questions, the quality of the answer you receive can be determined by the quality of the question you ask.
Did you realise that the same is true of the questions you ask yourself?
In fact, it can be the difference between a bad experience and an extraordinarily outstanding experience.
People talk about asking a better question, but what does that really mean?
So, in my last blog, I talked about having emergency NET backup plans, for when you find yourself stuck unable to do what you planned to do.
In this situation, to even get to the point of being open to doing something else, I had to ask myself some questions.
Questions Have The Answers
Questions have the answers, but not all questions are equal.
When I was having to rearrange my time around a flat tyre, I had two choices.
I could huff and puff and ask myself a whole pile of questions like:
- Why do things like this always happen to me?
- Why is it always on my watch?
- Why does this type of thing happen, when there is a deadline?
Essentially, why is this so inconvenient and ruining MY day?
Or, I could just ask myself a better question:
What can I do right now that will bring me even closer to my dreams, goals or outcomes?
The Questions That Make The Difference.
Can you see that the two types of questions end up creating two very different states?
- The first state is inwardly focused on all that is wrong.
- While the second state is focused on all that can be right.
Let’s examine these questions a little more.
Examining The First Set Of Questions
Did you notice anything about the first set of questions?
They were inwardly focused on me.
They were all why questions!
What was I trying to do?
- Was I trying to find something or someone to blame? (Yes!)
- Was I taking responsibility? (Not really!)
- Was I looking to find a solution? (Definitely not!)
- From this position, could I change the situation that had happened? (No)
I was focused on the past. I was wasting my present with these questions.
Now let’s look at the second question…
Asking A Different Question
The second question:
What can I do right now that will bring me even closer to my dreams, goals or outcomes?
It was a question for right now, with an eye on the future.
It was not focused on finding someone or something to blame, or in wanting to change the past.
It even had life and movement built-in.
It was accepting of the situation, yet making the most out of it.
You know the old lemons into lemonade thing…
Simply by asking a what question instead of a why question I turned a lemon into lemonade!
And how differently did I show up?
Did I look like I had tasted the sourness of a lemon, or the sweet, refreshing, contented-grin-inducing lemonade?
In this situation, how different do I show up in the world?
A person who is happy, flexible and dancing with the unknown versus someone who is bitter and blaming and stuck in the rigidity of only doing things one way or seeing things one way.
It opens up the opportunity to practice flexibility and dancing with uncertainty, growing, connecting and being certain you can enrich not only your world but those around you too.
Much better than thinking I am a victim, it’s hard, everything goes wrong for me. Why did it have to happen to me today? Why does it always happen at the worst time?
Asking Better Questions
Okay, so let’s get practical here.
How can I ask myself better questions, especially if I seem to default to the why questions?
Practice!
Create a standard question you can ask yourself. Can you see how the one I used is fairly generic and could be used in lots of circumstances?
What if you created a standard question… or borrowed mine? And then practice noticing when you are asking yourself the inwardly and backwardly focused why questions and simply swap it out.
It could be as simple as asking yourself…
What could I do right now, in this moment?
You can do this. You can choose to make the lemonade regardless of the circumstances.
So next time you hear those conversations going on in your head… think about what you could ask instead.
If you have any go-to questions, that you use that could help others, please share in the comments. We are all here to help each other have an even more fulfilling, happy and joyful life.
Until next time
LIVE, LOVE & THRIVE